Source: Wall Street Journal (WSJ) reporting Page R10
Double Duty - November 13, 2006
By Daisy Maxey
Shane Wilkinson had his infant daughter, Jessica, in a baby carrier on
his chest and was walking through a mall, when a woman approached him with
some advice: "Your baby is crying because she's in that baby carrier.
You need to get her out of there."
Mr. Wilkinson, who was taking Jessica to the restroom for a change, recalls
replying to the woman: "First of all, how do you know? What gives you
the right to tell me just because you're a mother? I'm with her 24/7, and
I know, maybe, what's wrong with her."
The Journal Report
Mr. Wilkinson, who takes care of Jessica full time at their home in Dallas
while managing two properties and doing construction jobs on the side, is
just one of an increasing number of fathers juggling the challenging dual
roles of entrepreneur and primary caregiver to his children. The road can
be rocky, but these dads say attitudes toward them are changing. And all
say they find support and acceptance growing.
No one tracks the number of "dadpreneurs" who are out there,
but one thing is certain: They're still a minority. A Census Bureau survey
last year found 142,000 married fathers with children under 15 who have
remained out of the labor force for more than one year to care for their
children. In contrast, there were about 5.6 million such mothers.
"Things are changing, but it's still unusual," says Sherry Sullivan,
an author and professor of management at Bowling Green State University
in Ohio. Ten years ago, a book titled "Mompreneurs" helped usher
that term into the popular lexicon, Ms. Sullivan says. But people began
talking about dadpreneurs only recently. A recent search on Google bears
this out: The term mompreneur turned up in about 86,800 results; dadpreneur,
21.
Working dads who shun the 9-to-5 world in order to take care of their
kids do so for a variety of reasons, says Ms. Sullivan. Some saw their own
fathers slog loyally away at major corporations for years only to lose their
jobs in the 1980s. Others don't want to leave their children in the care
of strangers, or realize it might be less expensive just to stay at home.
Technology and the rise of women in the workplace also have made it possible
for men to lead more flexible family and work lives.
"When I go to the park during the day, I'm often the only dad out
there," says dadpreneur Paul Mann, founder and chief executive of Fetch!
Pet Care Inc., a pet-sitting and dog-walking franchiser in Berkeley, Calif.
For Mr. Mann, who runs his business from home and cares for his year-and-a-half-old
son, Aiden, while his wife works part time, the decision to become a dadpreneur
was like "completing a missing piece in my life." Mr. Mann feels
his son gets better care for having a parent with him all day, "and
I get a lot of pride just seeing him smile and laugh...and when I tell him
that I love him and he tries to say it back -- I don't know that a lot of
guys get to experience that."
Balancing Act
Tips for "dadpreneurs"… TRY WORKING FROM HOME with the
children for at least a short period before you commit to becoming a dadpreneur
full time; it's not for everyone. DO THE MATH; sit down (with your partner,
if you have one) and consider carefully whether you can afford to be a dadpreneur
before you quit a job or otherwise commit. BE SURE TO ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES
between your work and home life; otherwise, you may find yourself working
24/7, or playing with the children and never getting any work done. MAKE
A SPECIFIC SPACE for your home office, even if only a corner of one room.
TO AVOID BURNOUT, set aside "me" time for things like playing
instruments, fishing or just watching football, with your friends or on
your own.
Justin Powell, a Web designer and Internet marketing consultant in Randolph,
N.J., says he never feels like an outcast when he drops off his 4-year-old
twins, Connor and Ethan, at karate or preschool. Each time the boys start
a new program, "people are thinking [about him], 'OK, what's his story?'
But when they start seeing you every day, you're just one of the group."
Mr. Powell says that when he and his wife, who is a human-resources vice
president and has to travel, learned they were having twins, they decided
that his work skills translated better to working at home. "It works
out very well for us," he says.
Dads who work at home and take care of the kids do find themselves in
the minority, says Jeanne Hurlbert, a professor of sociology at Louisiana
State University. Many don't know other stay-at-home dads and may "feel
somewhat shut out by the moms, even though those moms probably respect tremendously
the role these dads have assumed," she says. Dads can overcome such
hurdles by building relationships based on the children, says Ms. Hurlbert,
who is also head of Optinet Resources LLC, a Baton Rouge, La., firm that
helps entrepreneurs build social networks. …And selected online resources
AtHomeDad.com | A grass-roots network for primary-care dads who want to
start or join activities to help connect at-home dads. DadStaysHome.com
| Connects at-home dads who may feel isolated; has forums, blogs and links.
EntrepreneurDad.com | A network for solo entrepreneurs; offers discussion
forums. RebelDad.com | Pitches at-home dads as "the leading edge of
a social revolution"; catalogs news about them. Slowlane.com | Searchable
reference, resource and network for stay-at-home dads; hosts discussion
forums.
Social and cultural expectations are very slow to change, says Ms. Hurlbert,
"but these guys are helping to change them. The more we see guys with
pink diaper bags, the less strange it seems."
In the work world, Ms. Hurlbert says dadpreneurs may find they're even
more accepted than women who work from home because of the prevailing gender
roles and stereotypes in our society. Even when men stay home and care for
children, "we still tend to think of them as 'businessmen' very easily,"
she says.
That doesn't mean dadpreneurs don't face obstacles. They may find, for
example, that many colleagues and clients -- particularly younger ones --
envy their ability to spend more time with their children. Dads should be
upfront with both colleagues and clients about working at home and taking
care of their children, says Ms. Hurlbert, who also recommends setting up
a designated workspace and a separate phone line that the child doesn't
answer. Some interruptions are bound to happen, she adds, but if "Barney"
is suddenly heard in the background or a child is brought on an appointment,
clients are more likely to be understanding if they know the situation ahead
of time. "You have to approach these situations with great care, though,"
she says, "even with clients you know well, and ensure that they are
not put off by having a small child with you."
Mr. Wilkinson says he has Jessica with him whenever he goes to the hardware
store or to one of his rental properties. Most of his clients, he says,
are parents themselves, "so they also play with her and entertain her."
"With me raising her, it seems to make her a little more robust,"
Mr. Wilkinson says, adding that he hopes Jessica's experiences with him
will help her grow up to be a handy and self-reliant woman. On the other
hand, he says, "she's also growing up in an environment where her mother's
a business professional, so she has that option."
Mr. Mann, the pet-care franchiser, says his business is established enough
that his duties mainly involve strategic planning -- early-morning staff
meetings and conferences with partner companies -- and one-on-one training
of new franchisees. These responsibilities, he says, require a lot of telephone
and Internet time.
He's up before Aiden to start answering emails and making phone calls.
Then, when his wife, a store merchandiser, heads off to work, he shifts
into full-time parenting mode. When Aiden takes an early-afternoon nap,
Mr. Mann fits in more phoning and emailing. "If I'm calling a very
important person that I have a partnership with, I wouldn't call them when
it's about time for Aiden to wake up," he adds.
